Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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