I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Still dying that you shit outside
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
