I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
