i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
