Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
