Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
