Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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