I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
