Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
