Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
