i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
