If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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