do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
