I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
