So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
