I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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