I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
