New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
