I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
