Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Randomize
