We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
