my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
