You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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