Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
