i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
