you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
