if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
