i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
