HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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