you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
