Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
