did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Randomize
