That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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