Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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