aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
