Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
