No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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