Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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