where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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