don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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