i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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