How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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