alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
