I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
