we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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