my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
