And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I want to be your penis for a week.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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