it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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