One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need moral support for this bender
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
