I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
